He offers to carry my stuff, shows me how to fix my bike, shares his homemade brews, shows me his favorite places, waits for me to get off work so we can walk home together. I felt totally safe with him until one night he looked me square in the eyes without saying a word. He just held my gaze. I looked away in embarrassment. When I looked back, he was still looking at me. It would have been OK notwithstanding the fact I date men, so this was very confusing to me.

I don’t question that men are in need of affection. In Italy, France and Spain it is customary for men to greet each other with a kiss on each cheek. When Italian immigrants arrived in the USA, sociologist, if we can call them that, writing in the early 20th century documented this behavior as latent homosexuality. This was unfortunate to say the least. However, even in antiquity the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles was regarded as sexual in nature (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Achilles_and_Patroclus, 2013).

Furthermore, the relationship between David and Jonathon has obvious sexual overtones. Hebrew has no vowels, and this can leave room for interpretation of text. For example, if we were to write the English word foot without vowels, we would write the letters f and t, or ft. However, feet, fat and fit would also be represented in this way. So the passage that reads, Jonathon stood before David and God was with him, in Hebrew could also be read as, he stood before him with an erection (Helminiak, 2007).

The Gospel of Matthew was written between 80-90 CE in Greek and there was no standard Latin translation until the fourth century. In the story of the centurion (Matt 8), the writer uses the word “pais” in Greek which has been translated into modern English as “servant”, yet in Classical Greek pais is more akin to male lover than servant. The translation has been adjusted to accommodate the modern reader, but the later translation would be more consistent with Jesus’ association with those we were considered ritually impure.

The ancient’s worldview on male sexuality was quite different than ours. While we should not project our modern views on sexuality and relationship onto historical friendships, we can also assume that just because two guys were friends, doesn’t preclude a little rub and tug every now and then.

From the outside straight men think gay men just love straight women as friends. I can honestly say every gay man has done or is doing the fag hag schtick. It usually doesn’t end well. Gay culture is very misogynistic. Gays and lesbians don’t hang out together that often either, FYI. I don’t know a single lesbian, let alone have one as a friend. It doesn’t work very well. You’ve heard the saying men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Well multiply that by a trillion and you have the gay lesbian dynamic.

I can tell all the straight guys on here that women are terrified of a gay anything getting near their guy. I think that is why they infiltrate the gay camps. I have to admit when I was younger and it was very hip to have a personal fag hag, I helped many a woman screw a guy over. The thing many women resent more than anything is the guy friendship thing. They don’t understand it and will go to extreme lengths to sever it. I have also seen the situation where a woman was rejected in favor of the guy’s best friend.

I had two best friends. One was gay and one was straight. The gay one was not an old boyfriend and there was no sex involved at all. Sex complicates any relationship. Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t in love with the straight guy either. He knew I was gay. I have to tell the truth. While my gay friend knew much about me, he really didn’t know me at all. There is the inherent mistrust in gay culture of being dumped on. So, with any friend, you feed them equal amounts of truth and fiction for the possible, plausible deniability. I did indeed love him very much and I really never had to worry about his stabbing me in the back. He died a few years back of kidney failure due to type 1 diabetes.

The straight guy and I were very close and in actuality he knew me better than the gay friend. I didn’t have to prevaricate with him because he did not move in the same circles. I knew everything about him, to the point of discomfort in some cases. Then he got married and, you guessed it, the wife hated me. I don’t have anyone now and I just feel sort of lost. It’s sad really.

Am a long-time reader from India and got to say, I love your website but I felt compelled to comment on this article giving my perspective as an Indian (or let’s just say non-westerner). I was in the US for two years and have travelled extensively, so can talk about the differences in attitude.

In India, it used to be common to see close male friends holding hands while walking, to have a hand on each other’s shoulder or hug each otehr when meeting. This was because, a) there was limited interaction between men and women and so a man’s best friends were invariably his mates and b) Because the concept of homosexuality or even of homophobia was not on anyone’s mind ie: it was not even thought possible. (of course, it must have existed but basically lurking in the shadows).

On the contrary, since we have been a traditional and conservative society, it would be scandalous for an unmarried man or woman to be hugging each other (because here there was always the possibility of sexual relations : a big NO-NO between an unmarried man and woman). So in fact, we were the opposite case ie: there would never be man-woman friendships as there would always be a suspicion of something going on which did not have social sanction and in a sense a man would never appreciate a woman for her personality but only for her physical beauty. Myself having grown-up at a certain time, like it or not, am sometimes uncomfortable with the concept of pure friendship between a man and a woman. I am not saying this is good, just pointing out the difference in mentality.

Unfortunately, today with the flattening of the world and the ready access to and influence of western or american culture this easy familiarity between male youngsters has dissapeared from our bigger cities, though thankfully is alive an well in our smaller cities, where it is not uncommon to see young men unselfconciously hold hands etc. However, this leads western tourists to think that most Indians are gay.That’s crazy.

Personally, I feel much more fulfilled from my male friendships due to one simple reason outlined in the article: LOYALTY. The concept of standing by your mate through thick and thin and against the entire world if necessary is something I feel u can only get through male-male friendships and I have been lucky enough to find a few friends like that. On the other hand, I have seen too many so called male female friendships get ruined by one person getting attracted to the other or it being like a one-way exchange ie: I have seen quite a few of my male friends being used in one way or another by girls helping them in various ways around the house, explaining concepts at work, protecting them when drinking etc…all in the name of friendship.

Perhaps my thoughts are skewed in one way , based purely on personal experience and conditioning. But I would say go for male friendships guys. They can be deep and can help you weather many a storm.

Regards,
Rahul