With me being a very busy person, she brought a lot of support to my life. She was very insecure with me having female friends, and I felt “pushed” to do things like introduce my family and fiends instead of letting it happen “naturally”. Furthermore, I felt I was under constant emotional stress/anxiety trying to “prove” myself not to be that guy that would hurt her. Very early on, she deemed us to be in a serious relationship and ever since that point, I felt I was living life according to security checklist. As soon as I completed one thing off the list, I felt there was another waiting to be taken care of to reinforce/assure her (i.e. introduce family, get engaged, get married, having baby). It got to the point where I felt I had like control and was just living to try to make her happy – which often times felt futile. Having been divorced myself, I felt there were things I wanted to focus on to ensure a divorce would never happen again (i..e working together as a team, going to counselling, talking things through maturely, working on long-term life plan sooner rather than later, etc). Now, I wasn’t trying to force these things, but after feeling forced myself, I felt I better know what/who I was getting long-term.

Throughout the relationship, we experienced many episodes of breaking up and getting back together; however, each time it happened I thought it was making us stronger and for that reason didn’t truly give up. There were many times when i just wanted space/time to regroup, but this made her more anxious. Needless to say, I started to feel lost, and confused. How can something I’ve come to love be so difficult? Mind you, I never really knew what true/unconditional love was prior to this particular relationship. Prior relationships were based on vain thing (i.e. looks, entertainment, the desire to have her, etc.).

But coming into this relationship I told myself I wanted to know what true love was…

To make a long strong short, I think my experience with this person (whom i will ALWAYS love despite our many issues and potential for never working out – although I can’t I’ve lost hope), taught me the very thing I wanted to learn the most…How to Love. Love is more than just that “feeling” you get when things are “working” as planned or desired. Contrary to that “true love” is often felt the most when you get hurt… because in that hurt you realize how much you care for the person and desire for it to work out. Truly, if the person meant nothing to you, then it would be very easy to move on. True love, according to the Word of God, is “patient, and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres ( 1 Corth 13: 4-8).

It’s good to not that loving someone isn’t always easy. And just because you “love” them doesn’t mean you’re “in love” with them or that they are “the one”.

Often times, relationships are used to teach us things. It is often a process of refining us to become the men and women we need to be for some higher purpose, and/or to prepare us for that one true relationship that will last as long God provides life.

So with that, I’ve learned that it s very important to be able to look past those things that wont withstand the test of time (i.e. looks) and truly focus on what would make this person a great match for you. Me personally, I look for the ability of my partner to communicate, loyalty, honestly, respect, support, a spiritual foundation, TEAMWORK, humor, etc.

Many of these things I found in the person mentioned above, but still it doesn’t mean she was the one. To this day, I try to maintain hope that one day she “becomes” the one, but I know it’s all in God’s hand. I know everything we went through was for a reason.

I just long for the day when I know…as someone mentioned…you’ll just know. :)

Until then, my plan is to finally focus on me (outside of a relationship). Having learned a lot about myself (what i was doing wrong, and how I contributed to the mess) I’m hoping to prepare myself for that moment (with whomever – even if it’s with the person aforementioned – one day in the future).

Final words: ANY relationship is though…there is no such thing as a perfect one. Often times we men think that a “hot” girl means happiness, but it’s been proven many times (just look at Hollywood) that that’s not the case. Also, dating a “hot” girl can bring insecurities and anxieties you never though you could have.

Remember love is blind, and in many cases deaf. True love withstands the test of time, BUT both must be in love and wiling to make it work!

Think long and hard and don’t act on impulse. Ask her to do the same and then when some time passes meet up and discuss your point of views about the whole thing. See if you both feel you can work things out and try again. A relationship requires equal effort so you both have to put in 100% to work on your relationship.

All the best :)

All the best to you. God Bless.

Just last week, I went through a break up from a relationship of 2 1/2 years. Our relationship had met every one of these criteria, however we had times in our relationship where she had thoughts in her head that we weren’t meant to be together. It was only twice before and when we had worked through them, we had come out on top even stronger than ever before.

We had gone to see an old friend of hers whose band was playing at a bar that friday. This same guy, she had met a year before we met, and was interested in him but never pursued because he had a girlfriend, even though he was interested in my now ex-girlfriend.

Out of nowhere, I wake up Sunday morning and there is an e-mail from her explaining that she still loves me…but it will not work out between us. She claims that I did nothing wrong, but rather it’s a feeling that she is having in her mind that “can not be defined” (her exact quote). I later come to find out that she is now hanging out with and is feeling re-interested in this guy from the past… Needless to say, last week was a rough one for me. My questions for this discussion board are:

1) Was she blowing smoke up my ass for the whole relationship and I was just too far gone in love to recognize it?

2) Do I hold out hope that one day she may come back around realizing that she made a mistake? If so, what do I do?

3) How do I cope with losing out to a guy that hasn’t been around for years, but resurfaces for a few hours and walks off with the love of my life?

Any courteously-stated feedback would be much appreciated.