Buddhism itself is a practice of moderation (not asceticism as it may often seem), and if you have the time I recommend even a brief study of its basic tenets. You may find in them much food for thought. Just now it occurs there may be a whole treasure of material on “Eastern” ideas of manliness, in addition to those of other cultures.

A woman came to her rabbi and said, “Rabbi, I have done a terrible thing. I have said something false about my friend, and now everyone believes it. Her reputation is ruined. I am so sorry; I feel terrible. How can I repair this damage and make the situation right again?”

The rabbi said, “Take a piece of paper, and tear it into little, tiny pieces. When you have done this, throw them into the air on a windy day, and let them scatter. Finally, go around town and retrieve them all. It would be just as impossible to complete this task as it would be to repair the damage you have done.”

Gossip is one of the more serious sins in Judaism, precisely because the damage, once done, usually cannot be undone. Insightful post!

From the University of Delaware’s website:

“Although Franklin was an inveterate flirt, and he sired an illegitimate child before his 1730 wedding to Deborah Reed Rogers, there is no evidence that he had any affairs during his marriage.”

From straightdope.com:

“the one thing everyone thinks they know about Ben is that he was a rake. Was he? Probably not. A legendary self-publicist, Franklin liked to give the impression he was a great womanizer, but he was in his 70s and troubled by gout while serving as an envoy to France, alleged scene of his most celebrated conquests. While he was charming and popular with the ladies, and it’s not beyond belief that he got physical with a few of them (if women find Jack Nicholson sexy, anything’s possible), there’s little evidence of any Casanova-like proclivities. As a youth he patronized brothels and sired an illegitimate son (who became royal governor of New Jersey–proof of how far being a bastard can get you in this world, or anyway in New Jersey). For what it’s worth, he never formally married his partner of 44 years, Deborah Read, with whom he had two more kids. Still, most scholars think stories about Ben’s romantic exploits and legion of little Franklins are exaggerated.”

Finally, as we have mentioned in a couple of other places, Ben never claimed to have attained moral perfection. He admitted his shortcomings but said he was a far better man for having made the attempt.

Maybe. But first, be a man.

It is universally acknowledged that not all men are gentlemen. A less popular truth is that not all gentlemen are men.

A gentleman may view character as not causing hurt to others, but a man has a longer view. He is concerned with moral truths, not with anything so irrelevant as the feelings or dignity of one person.

Good points.

I was not advocating against commenting on appearance. I was speaking to a specifically loaded question and finding a way to respond honestly and generally ways to be honest with questions like it.

“Do you like this?” and “What do you think?” are very different questions from “Does this make me look fat?”

Honesty in a relationship should go in both directions. If she wants affirmation she should ask for it. If that is what she wants then THAT is the truth.

My wife has only asked me that twice in the six years we’ve known each other. When she asks me a question I know what information she is looking for and so does she.

Everyone is different but this kind of candor between my wife and I has served us well.

Ben

“Does this dress make me look fat?”

There are two things to consider when answering this. First, she’s possibly asking if you think she’s beautiful, and she wants affirmation. You need to give it to her. Tell her she looks beautiful.

Second, she’s looking for an opinion. Yes or no doesn’t cut it – she’s looking for details. Tell her something like “It doesn’t flatter your ____ the way the blue dress does” or “I prefer a dress that is cut in this way to show off your _____.

These are positive and helpful answers that answer her questions honestly and make her feel beautiful. Pleading the fifth may work in a courtroom but it won’t help your relationship with a woman.

“Does this dress make me look fat?”

“I refuse to answer that question.”

“Oh, so it DOES make me look fat.”

“I told you that I am not going to answer that. Either it does make you look fat or it doesn’t. You’ll have to decide which one.”

Maybe she looks like a beached whale. If so, she already knows it and will look fat in any dress. In that case she would probably like to know that you still love her.

Otherwise you can just leave it at that and she’ll learn to stop asking.

Of course most people don’t like the truth when it forces them to confront shortcomings in themselves. If you have a close personal relationship with someone who can’t handle the truth there is a serious problem.

I’d add that if you are not honest when the truth is something “bad” (i.e. “That’s and ugly shirt.”) then the weight of your positive statements (i.e. “You look absolutely fabulous.”) will be diminished greatly.